The Romantic Nature of a Female ISTP: Parody Dating Profile

Ah, February, the month of love and romance, the month of roses and chocolates encased in red satin boxes.

The month of millions of singles crying out in pain and agony.

And eating ice cream.  (Apparently?)

Recently I wanted to write about “The Romantic Nature of a Female ISTP” (me).  But it became apparent anything I wrote would be “The Wailing Lament of the Frustrated, Single Female ISTP.  Without Much Discussion of Cognitive Functions.”

After all, one gets slightly more emotional and mopey when one wonders where her future husband is.  Much less analytical.  More likely to fling around haphazard cartoons with fanged lunacy than anything relatable to other ISTPs.  Assuming the mopeyness levels are low enough to draw stuff and not simply think of it. (Ha. Ha.)

I’m just gonna wail and lament and commiserate with other singles, and then I will get bored of emotions and finally read more about helicopters.

Yup, that’s how my emotions work.

That is one thing I can discuss about how my brain works.  Working with emotions and trying to express the fact that I have any interest whatsoever in meeting someone (of a very particular sort), is akin to me picking up a large bucket that weighs a ton.  There I am, scrunching my eyes and grunting as I lift it up, tip it over a trough, or whatever is sensible to pour water into, and down goes all the gushing water of my emotions!

One drop falls out.

It’s a very heavy drop.

But it’s only one drop.

Then I cast the bucket aside, utterly depleted and highly apathetic, and oh!  Look!  Technical details about how some inanimate object works! Perfect!

*Proceeds to ignore all of those things called people*

*Energy starts to recover*

A Sudden Idea

The thing is, a sudden thought occurred to me during the process of gathering ideas.  There’s this thing called online dating.

Technically it might be possible to try it out and meet someone.  But that would be weird.  It might require constantly saying “No” to a pile of people when I never had to enter that sphere of cyberland ever.

But then, if I did make a profile, I would use it as a conductor of humor.  Because I have no doubts that while I don’t like being single all the time, there are some aspects of my life that must be sorted out before someone else gets involved. Such as the fact that I don’t have a life. Slightly important that.

But how could I not make up a parody profile after that?

So I looked up some examples, and all I can say is, online dating sounds really boring, or maybe annoying.  It’s much more preferable to meet someone while you’re out questing and slaying dragons.  In person.  Right?  Definitely right.

Though partly I was kinda bored just cuz the profiles seemed to have a very simple format.  Just a little header line, paragraph, and a photo.  Not like a list of questions about yourself I could give snarky answers to.  Alas.

Behold, my Parody Dating Profile!

Empress_Jethan, Early 20’s

The Supreme Commander of Thren’s Universe

 

I like shiny swords, dragonslaying, dragon riding, defeating the forces of darkness, and exploring desolate, ancient ruins full of arcane mystery.  I have many storyworlds under my reign and may consider a royal alliance by marriage to mutually strengthen our holdings against the evil Writer’s Block.  I enjoy laughing maniacally at anything, as well as running away in fear when my characters get mad at me for cackling at their despair.

I bake brownies.  My other cooking skills are highly bland and questionable. [Did I mention it makes sense for me to be single right now?]

Also, what do you consider the possibility of WWIII happening, and how would you survive it?

All potential suitors* must disdain or despise open house plans and midcentury modern furniture.  Plus, I want a pink front door.

*And by potential suitors I mean the one suitor who actually makes sense for me.

…

Anyone know where my soul friend is?

*Crawls back into my shadowy cave of Highly Introverted Aloofness and hisses at all who approach*

Well, that was fun, I’ll probably do another post like this soon.  The next one will be about writing, however.

So, do you wish to lament your singleness as Valentine’s Day approaches?  Do you have any questions about how ISTPs deal with emotions?  Do you like ending on three questions rather than two?